Serves: All relationships
Makes: For individuals who would like to navigate inevitable relationship conflict with increased confidence, trust in self/relationship, and emotional tolerance. For individuals who want to engage in productive conflict communication.
Prep: Desire to change and a willingness to practice a different way of relating/experiencing conflict
I often meet people that want to meet conflict with “love, care, and curiosity”.
Instead, the discomfort from experiencing relational conflict, navigating circular conversations, and feeling left without a quick solution leads us to urgently pushing through, defensiveness, shutting down, criticism, or avoiding the conflict all together. All roads lead to feeling emotionally unmet in time we needed it.
“How crappy. This was supposed to be a good weekend! We only have so much time with each other. And now we are disconnected.”
The truth,
These words without intentional action, awareness of and attention to nervous system regulation, and team effort fall flat. Left only to remain a desire, and not an embodied lived experience within our relationships.
Many of us were not provided the recipe for dealing with conflict or the emotions of others. We learned through witnessing our models or experiencing personally that it worked out better to deal with our emotions alone, swallow them all together, or always default to others. But this isn’t the only way.
This recipe is for anyone who is ready for a different pathway through tension or conflict. And it is adjustable to a single serving size for individuals who are looking to explore themselves, their conflict patterns, and develop conflict navigation skills that align with one’s desired self.
INGREDIENTS:
2 individuals (at minimum) that are accountable and take ownership of their behaviors, emotional responses, and provide a safe container for the other to use the remaining ingredients
Freshly ground attention to one’s own nervous system and a willingness to take a proactive stance towards one’s regulation
A healthy dose of curiosity for the experience of self/other person (i.e emotions, historical context influencing the present moment, etc.)
Robust sprinkle of vulnerability
INSTRUCTIONS:
Repeat recipe for every small moment of tension, annoying misunderstanding, or relational rupture.
The outcome of this recipe gets better the more you practice. With repeat practice you’ll begin to notice:
how much more emotionally attuned you are to yourself and others
increased tolerance for the emotional experience of others without diminishing your own
and an ability to view a moment of tension as an opportunity for slowness, attentiveness, and empathy rather than a battle to win or a display of “receipts”
RECEIPE NOTES:
Don’t rush the recipe.
For us to approach conflict with love, care, and curiosity — we must be willing to offer that to others as well as to our selves. We must believe that our relationships and individual processes are deserving of thoughtful pacing and attention for the moment at hand. Rushing the recipe will not produce better results.
Even if every ingredient isn’t executed to perfection. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.
If you are concerned about or experiencing a threat to your physical safety in your relationship, it is recommended to connect with a mental health professional or social services to receive individual services.
NEXT STEPS:
You deserve a neutral, non-judgmental third-party that wants to support you with gaining a better understanding of unproductive conflict patterns and provides a safe container to practice communication and relational skills in real-time.
I specialize in relationships and support both individuals and couples with conflict navigation & repair.
Schedule a phone consultation with me by clicking Book Free Intake Call to talk further about the possibility of working together.
